Lost in the motherhood maze: A humorous (kinda) guide to postpartum crisis.
So, you’ve just had a baby. Congratulations! You’ve entered the elite club of motherhood, where spontaneity (and for some, sleep) is a thing of the past, and the only thing you can count on is the sheer lunacy of your new routine. As you navigate this wild adventure, there’s a little truth bomb waiting to be dropped: somewhere between the endless shitty nappy changes, the 3 a.m. feedings, and the milking schedule, you may find that your identity has taken a backseat, and you’re just a passenger in someone else’s life. Well, me too, mama, so keep reading if you want to hear my account, and hopefully it’ll make you feel less alone in the world today, or it’ll make you laugh or smile. I hope it does one of them.
The Postpartum Paradox
Welcome to the postpartum period, where your body is a complete stranger, your brain is fucking filled with fog, and your social life has been reduced to chatting with the Amazon delivery person about literally fucking anything. You might look in the mirror and wonder who that unwashed, unfashionable, and disheveled person is staring back at you. Spoiler alert: It’s still you! But it might feel like you’ve been swapped out for a hygiene-, social-, and sleep-deprived zombie whose only purpose is to keep a tiny human alive. Now, I say "only" like it’s a small thing. It’s not, and I’m not downplaying it. It’s a big fucking deal.
It’s like being in the movie “Groundhog Day” (and if you haven’t seen it, where the hell have you been?), but instead of reliving the same day, you’re stuck in a never-ending loop of feed, burp, change, repeat. This repetitive chaos is oddly comforting, yet maddeningly monotonous. There’s a lunacy in the repetitiveness of it all, as if you’re trapped in what feels like a sitcom where the laugh track has been replaced by the wails of a baby or, in my case, complete silence for most parts of the day until my other half comes home, only for me to realize I’m too tired to talk. *sighs* Jesus Christ.
Who Am I Again?
As the days blend into weeks, the question arises: Where did I go? I’ve always been independent, with my own identity, running a business, and having my own vibe, ya know? The independent woman who used to have a life filled with meeting friends, true crime, spontaneous adventures to the climbing wall, and the occasional full day in the garden, which all suddenly feels like a figment of my imagination. Today, I find myself Googling “how to rediscover your identity after having a baby,” only to find articles that tell you to “embrace the chaos.” Sure, that sounds nice, but what if I just want to wear my old fucking clothes that used to fit and remember the taste of something other than cold coffee and not just lose hours upon hours doing sweet fuck all?
This blog post isn’t going to be all doom and gloom, promise; this is where the humor comes in. I mean, let’s be real: you’ll probably never get back to your pre-baby self. And that’s okay! I understand I am not just a new mam; I’m, well, a new me. It’s like I’ve upgraded from an old flip phone to the latest iPhone (yeah, I’m of the age of flip phones; leave me be). Sure, I miss that trusty old device, but have you seen all the crazy features this new one has? I just need to tell myself that it’s time to embrace the upgrade! I’ve done a pretty good job of enjoying this chapter a lot. I mean, motherhood is friggin awesome. I’d just like to remember me from time to time too.
Creating the New You
Okay, so we have embraced who and what we are, and we are motivated to find out who we are…. So…how do we find ourselves again? Or do we just create a new version of who we are? Here’s the deal, I think: it’s a little bit of both. I think you’ll find remnants of the old you in the new you, like an old song that gets a trendy remix, you know, like ‘Dance with Somebody’ by Whitney Houston? Now, I’m no expert, but I’ve scrambled down a few tips to help you along the way, as they’ve helped me:
1. *Embrace the Chaos:* Accept that life is now a delightful mess. Your baby might throw up on your new shirt, and that is something I think of as wearing just a badge of honour. Just think to yourself: you created that life; how awesome is that?
2. *Rediscover Your Passions:* Find small ways to reconnect with your interests. Whether it’s reading a book while the baby naps, signing up for an online class, experimenting with a new recipe (that may or may not end in disaster), or singing to your baby, these moments can help reignite your spark. I know for me, I’ve been singing way more and started an online fitness platform to help support my family while also exploring my love of fitness.
3. *Connect with Others:* Surround yourself with fellow new mamas who understand the struggle. Yeah, we all go through different journeys, but honestly, sharing your stories, frustrations, and triumphs can remind you that you’re not alone in this whirlwind. I created a mama-fit group with some local women, and honestly, I am loving getting to know them, helping them on their fitness journey, and being there to support them while they support me.
4. *Give Yourself Grace:* Understand that it’s okay to feel completely fucking lost. Motherhood is a journey, and it’s perfectly normal to take some time to find your way, drown a little bit, ask for help, and thrive. Celebrate the small victories, like taking a shower (oh my god, this is the best feeling after a rough day, isn’t it?) or finishing a cup of coffee while it’s still hot.
5. *Seek Help if Needed:* If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s talking to a friend, asking grandparents for help, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, there’s no shame in asking for guidance. Read that again: there is NO shame. You don’t get a fucking medal for battling through at the expense of your mental health.
In the end, motherhood is a beautifully chaotic experience that challenges us to evolve. Yes, you may feel like you’re living someone else’s life for a while, but as time goes on, you’ll begin to find pieces of yourself scattered among the baby toys and laundry piles. I promise.
So, raise a glass of that cold coffee (or whatever lukewarm beverage you can get your hands on) and toast to the new you! The journey may be filled with lunacy and repetition, but it’s also bursting with love, laughter, and the undeniable joy of watching your little one grow. Remember, it’s not about finding the old you; it’s about creating a new version that embraces this wild and wonderful ride called motherhood, and I will happily cheers to that!
C x
